Nostalgic Narrator Gifts

'Heck, this is nothing, why when I was a kid, we'd have snow clear up to here.'

'Once upon a time...'

"I've learned from the past. Now can we move on?"

"I am the Ghost of Christmas 2020."

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

"It's sad – he thinks he still sits on the board of TWA."

We go way back together, from when Happy Hour began!

"In my younger days I pitched woo. . . now I pitch woe!"

"I went to my first major league game when I was pretty young, and I knew, after I was there for just a few minutes that someday I would become a hotdog vendor."

"It doesn't help that you have such fond memories of our upbringing."

'Of course you did better when you went to school. That was before the information age.'

Kid to kid: 'I love Grandma. The only thing false that's ever come out of her mouth are her teeth.'

"Of course it's not my son. My son is a nitwit. That's me, thirty years ago."

'I can remember when this was all pop concerts.'

"I'm old enough to remember when people thought retirement had something to do with not having a job. Don't laugh! We used to believe all sorts of ridiculous stuff!"

A descriptive advertisement

"Yeah... it's me he's looking for. Listen Beth, there are few things you don't know about my past."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Hipsters"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

Letter Collecting Nerd

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

'Lost Diary'

'Remember the good old days when the research department consisted of some studious types with a stack of annual reports?'

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

'Sir, we need to upgrade our technology. We've used up our last roll of ticker tape.'

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

"I enjoy books a lot more now that I can consistently color inside the lines."

Tom slowly started to realize that romantic gestures of the early 90's didn't work anymore.