Nonsensical Genius Gifts

Introducing...Anagraman.

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Draw your own path."

"Ah, ha! The universe IS expanding! I can't find my glasses anywhere!"

The Proust of Twitter

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

"Quick! The ideas are hatching!"

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

'Interview Dr. Witt for your esteemed journal? Of course, as soon as his play period is over.'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

'He was working on a theory of entropy, and developed a severe case of it himself.'

"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Writer's Block Party

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

T. S. Eliot

Two words, boss: Virtual reality. We glue virtual reality goggles to our coffee mugs. Come again? When patrons sip their Himalayan mochas, they'll think they're dangling from a cliff in the Himalayan mountains. People will come from Miles around! People will throw up for miles around. We'll give patrons mops that double as virtual reality hockey sticks. This conversation is virtually over.

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

'Damn sea monkeys.'

"How's this? 'Quoth the Raven, Nevermore, unquoth.' "

Carl shrewdly dupes his co-workers into believing that he is totally committed to the new mandatory overtime policy,

Palm Reader...

"Think of it -- you'd never have to fold another shirt."