Hypothetical Genius Gifts

'Now for a test of the viewer's intelligence. . . Seeing if he's bright enough to turn it off .'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Draw your own path."

"Ah, ha! The universe IS expanding! I can't find my glasses anywhere!"

Introducing...Anagraman.

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

"Quick! The ideas are hatching!"

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"Oceans are rising, landmass is shrinking - so far so good."

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

Prisoner still life painting.

"The museum of modern art on fire... an installation."

'He was working on a theory of entropy, and developed a severe case of it himself.'

Two words, boss: Virtual reality. We glue virtual reality goggles to our coffee mugs. Come again? When patrons sip their Himalayan mochas, they'll think they're dangling from a cliff in the Himalayan mountains. People will come from Miles around! People will throw up for miles around. We'll give patrons mops that double as virtual reality hockey sticks. This conversation is virtually over.

'Don't ask how much your hospital bill is because we have no way of knowing.'

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

Where baby grand pianos come from.

Palm Reader...

"We shall now commence throwing money at the problem."

Ship's cook escaping in a saucepan.

'I love you and your father loves you. Now go paint a masterpiece.'

"Do you know Issac Newton discovered gravity in 1867? Before that people could fly."

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

'With my technical expertise, I could conquer the world!' - 'Do you and your little friend want some cookies?'

"He may be a child prodigy, but it's still a lousy C.V."

Come on, it's just a game! If you were rescued from a desert island, what three things would you bring?

As is often the case, many of the world's great discoveries are accidental.

'Things couldn't be better.'

Scientist.

"He's our ideas man - I can never tell if he's working or not."

'My idea's quite simple really. Put the money in the bag!'