Noncommissioned Officer Pillows

Tuesday is drunken rant night. The noncommissioned officer is the backbone of this man's army!!!

Servicemen.

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

The Dubloon Stops Here

When laundry ruled the waves.

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Sailor in Car.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

'Sweet! Let's break it open and see what it is!'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

Wedding disaster #27.

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

Subwoofer

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

Kamikaze Colour

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

COWMIKAZES

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

"Yes ... no!"

'Hardy I see no chips!'

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"