Noncommissioned Officer Gifts

Servicemen.

When laundry ruled the waves.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

The Dubloon Stops Here

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Sailor in Car.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Sweet! Let's break it open and see what it is!'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'At ease, soldier.'

Ishmael's First Day on the Pequod was Full of Surprises: "A harpoon!? Don't you practice catch and release?"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Subwoofer

Kamikaze Colour

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

"Yes ... no!"

'Hardy I see no chips!'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

The General's Cat: 'Always vigilant!'

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

COWMIKAZES