Non-traditional Foodie Gifts

"Are you 'distinguished connoisseur of offbeat eating establishments'?"

Vegetarian Birds

'Is this still America?'

Grandma's caf

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Executive Tacos

'It's an acquired taste!'

'Vegetable proteins sure have caught on. I have to go over to Canyon Gulch and round up a herd of soybeans.'

Dinner Cereal, Corn Flakes with Spaghetti Sauce.

Spaghetto

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

In the Works: Eurocheese, Eurobread, Eurowine.

'What wine goes well with red meat?'

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'Uh yeah, it's supposed to be like that... it's a... it's a new invention.'

" Actually, Dear, I said I wanted to start eating 'all natural, not 'au naturel'!"

"Baldo, I don't like you eating that nasty food!"

'It tastes like California condor, but it has the consistency of bald eagle.'

"I heard this dumpster got a bad review, but we'll try it out anyhow."

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

"It's steak and chips, it is what the ploughman had for lunch!"

Hospital Food

"If I admit that I was wrong I would be admitting to myself that my whole life and everything I am and believe in is based on lies!"

'You think ideas are contained in food?'

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.

"It's General Gau's Strange Flavored Chicken prepared by Mrs. Howel's odd looking husband."

'I eat them myself, and I can assure you that beetles are even better than ants.'

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."