Noise Management Expert Gifts

"We've built so much good will with the neighbors. Let's not use it up with compulsive vacuuming."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

At the rock concert...

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

Cat and Broom

Novel airport noise abatement procedures.

Midwife presents a baby with its own volume control: 'Finally, evolution has done its thing.'

"In space, there is no sound. Except those - we can still hear those @#%* things."

'You taught him to speak, now teach him to turn down the volume!'

Noisy Budgie

'I'm a bird person. If he screams, I put a cover over his cage.'

"Stop the barking .50"

Noisy Neighbours

"Jimmy's asking Santa for a drum set. I'm asking him for ear plugs."

"Hey! Turn down your damn white-noise machine!"

Noise abatement society - Hush.

"Hold on, let me put you on megaphone."

"Don't you find the ringing of one's mobile phone most annoyingly irritating, Terence, my good fellow?"

'It's the people downstairs again.'

"Hey, whoa, kids! Remember that we have to be extra quiet when mommy's in her remote working cubicle."

"Oh no, we've got headbangers moving in upstairs!"

"You mind keeping it down?"

"Not everyone wants to listen to your audio-book."

"Blimey! Those floorboards are squeaky..."

Noisy Neighbours

'Attaboy, Bill...Bark us right into house arrest...'

'I wish you'd tell the crowd to be quiet when the ball is in play!'

Stopping the Cuckoo Clock.

"One way to prevent chatter is to alter your speed. Those RPMs are far too high for that size job." "Earplugs, another good way to stop the chatter."

'I can't stop the toilet from running. If I did, we'd be able to hear the dripping faucet.'

'I wish someone would steal that car...!'

'I said - we can't even cover our ears!'

'In heaven, the angels play their harps continuously.'

"Please turn off mobiles so as not to spoil others' enjoyment of the elevator music."