Noise Consultant Gifts

Noise abatement society - Hush.

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

At the rock concert...

"I normally scream and cry on car rides, but I'm saving it all up for when we get on our flight"

Cat and Broom

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

Novel airport noise abatement procedures.

Midwife presents a baby with its own volume control: 'Finally, evolution has done its thing.'

"In space, there is no sound. Except those - we can still hear those @#%* things."

'You taught him to speak, now teach him to turn down the volume!'

'I'm a bird person. If he screams, I put a cover over his cage.'

"Stop the barking .50"

"Jimmy's asking Santa for a drum set. I'm asking him for ear plugs."

"We've built so much good will with the neighbors. Let's not use it up with compulsive vacuuming."

If you two don't keep the noise down, I'll have to separate you.

"Hold on, let me put you on megaphone."

"I don't know which soundbar the neighbor is using, but I wish they would turn it down a bit."

"Don't you find the ringing of one's mobile phone most annoyingly irritating, Terence, my good fellow?"

'Honey you're roaring.'

"Hey, whoa, kids! Remember that we have to be extra quiet when mommy's in her remote working cubicle."

'It's the people downstairs again.'

Noise pollution

"Oh no, we've got headbangers moving in upstairs!"

"Not everyone wants to listen to your audio-book."

Noisy Neighbours

'Attaboy, Bill...Bark us right into house arrest...'

'I wish you'd tell the crowd to be quiet when the ball is in play!'

"Blimey! Those floorboards are squeaky..."

"You mind keeping it down?"

Stopping the Cuckoo Clock.

"One way to prevent chatter is to alter your speed. Those RPMs are far too high for that size job." "Earplugs, another good way to stop the chatter."

'I said - we can't even cover our ears!'

'I wish someone would steal that car...!'

"Please turn off mobiles so as not to spoil others' enjoyment of the elevator music."