Noise Control Specialist Gifts

Novel airport noise abatement procedures.

"Our open-space office really stimulates information sharing when everyone removes their noise-cancelling headphones."

Cat and Broom

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

Midwife presents a baby with its own volume control: 'Finally, evolution has done its thing.'

"In space, there is no sound. Except those - we can still hear those @#%* things."

Drum School/Sleep Clinic/Fire Alarm Testing Lab

"Shh, too much racket."

Sneeze Police

"Stop the barking .50"

The neighbour of the beast

'You taught him to speak, now teach him to turn down the volume!'

"I don't know which soundbar the neighbor is using, but I wish they would turn it down a bit."

Noise abatement society - Hush.

Noise Abatement Society

"We've built so much good will with the neighbors. Let's not use it up with compulsive vacuuming."

"Hold on, let me put you on megaphone."

"Don't you find the ringing of one's mobile phone most annoyingly irritating, Terence, my good fellow?"

"Hey, whoa, kids! Remember that we have to be extra quiet when mommy's in her remote working cubicle."

'It's the people downstairs again.'

Noise pollution

"Oh no, we've got headbangers moving in upstairs!"

Stopping the Cuckoo Clock.

'I wish you'd tell the crowd to be quiet when the ball is in play!'

"Blimey! Those floorboards are squeaky..."

'Attaboy, Bill...Bark us right into house arrest...'

Noisy Neighbours

"One way to prevent chatter is to alter your speed. Those RPMs are far too high for that size job." "Earplugs, another good way to stop the chatter."

'I can't stop the toilet from running. If I did, we'd be able to hear the dripping faucet.'

'I wish someone would steal that car...!'

'I said - we can't even cover our ears!'

"Please turn off mobiles so as not to spoil others' enjoyment of the elevator music."

'In heaven, the angels play their harps continuously.'

'Would you mind putting your party on vibrate!?'