Noise Control Officer Gifts

Noise Abatement Society

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Stop, Smell Roses (stop and smell the roses)

'I think I've found what's been causing my funny buzzing sounds.'

"Our open-space office really stimulates information sharing when everyone removes their noise-cancelling headphones."

Cat and Broom

Airport traffic

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

Novel airport noise abatement procedures.

'I think you got the drummer - Now try for the trumpet player!'

"I keep hearing this annoying buzzing noise!"

'No, it's not the Rapture - The kids next door got a trampoline.'

'Whenever I need a little peace and quiet, I do without,'

'I know I never play it. I only borrow it from next door to stop him playing the damn thing!'

Drum School/Sleep Clinic/Fire Alarm Testing Lab

'I'm a bird person. If he screams, I put a cover over his cage.'

"Shh, too much racket."

Sneeze Police

The neighbour of the beast

"Stop the barking .50"

'Don't you 'shh' me.'

"Jimmy's asking Santa for a drum set. I'm asking him for ear plugs."

"It's the people downstairs complaining about the noise again."

'We can improve our patrol allocation,'

"Hold on, let me put you on megaphone."

"We've built so much good will with the neighbors. Let's not use it up with compulsive vacuuming."

Insecurity guard: 'Are byou sure you didn't hear something- there it goes again!

'When, exactly, did background noise become foreground noise?'

Elevator volume control.

"Seriously? You don't hear a ticking noise?"

"Don't you find the ringing of one's mobile phone most annoyingly irritating, Terence, my good fellow?"