Noise Abatement Officer Gifts

'Don't you 'shh' me.'

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

At the rock concert...

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

Cat and Broom

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

Novel airport noise abatement procedures.

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

"Listen! Hear that? Nothing is beeping!"

'Whenever I need a little peace and quiet, I do without,'

'It must be nice having a job where you can work at home.'

"In space, there is no sound. Except those - we can still hear those @#%* things."

'I'm a bird person. If he screams, I put a cover over his cage.'

This is a library - no sonic booms, please.

'You taught him to speak, now teach him to turn down the volume!'

"Jimmy's asking Santa for a drum set. I'm asking him for ear plugs."

'Not while I am the librarian.'

'Could you speak up a little? - I've got six billion of the little twerps buzzing in my ears!'

'OK, so I have a thing about thunder!'

"We've built so much good will with the neighbors. Let's not use it up with compulsive vacuuming."

Noise Abatement Society

"It's the people downstairs complaining about the noise again."

People asking a robin to be quiet.

'When, exactly, did background noise become foreground noise?'

"Don't you find the ringing of one's mobile phone most annoyingly irritating, Terence, my good fellow?"

"...And as for your terrible elevator music...."

Ant banging on his roof with a broom up to football players stomping around above him

Damsel with Ear-Plugs

"Your dad doesn't want to see or hear any comments on his social media page. Please explain to him how to turn them off."

'Open up Mr. Yomp! I can hear clucking in thee!'

'It's the people downstairs again.'

'What's the discount for the noise issue?'

"When I start my car, it makes this terrible noise."

Summer Dog

"I'd like $50 worth of total silence, please."