Nocturnal Comedian Gifts

"It's late, don't answer it."

Physician tending a mummy.

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

Bed Seasons

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I don't like space."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

'Ha ha ha, it's him again! He always makes me laugh.'

"Roll over. Your Zs are looking like Ns."

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"Mind if I read a little?"

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Menage a Paws.

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

"I slept funny!"

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

"Perhaps you'd be able to sleep better if you pajamas weren't so loud."

"Charley horse! Charley horse! Charley horse! Charleee!!"

Man's dentures hold cigar.

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

Overnight Programming

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Metrocard error messages

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

'...and another thing. You're very selfish.'

For those difficult bedtimes Sheryl relied on the bedtime reel.