Nighttime Humorist Gifts

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"What's with the sleeping at night?"

'One illegal sheep movement...two illegal sheep movement...three illegal...'

Huddling Lampposts

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Radiator jazz player

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

Rap-scallions

Double Saxophone

"I don't like space."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

Dr. Phil takes it home.

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

"Ding" "Dong"

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'