News Hawk Gifts

The American Dream

2020 US president

Donald Trump's White House Ambitions

'Are you through with the financial section?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

Emperor Trump's Clothes

Hollande won't seek re-election

"Sometimes it's so bleedin' hard to know who to vote for."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Squeezing the Free Press.

They're Not Just That Into It

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Trump pardons

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"We won!"

CIA report

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'