News Hunter Gifts

"I did it!!! I found the bit of good news in the newspaper!!!!"

"We're getting closer. This is last week's paper."

War Correspondent

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

Netanyahu versus Gantz

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

Newspaper suicide.

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

'I'm interested in your job opening, so I'll have my agent give you a ring!'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Ace headhunters.

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

Office of the Special Investigator: Stepped out to follow the 'money trail'.