News Observing Gifts

'Inflated gloom!'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

Fear of news.

State Budget.

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

'The Federal Government today authorized a ten-year study of all its five-year studies.'

Upon graduation, all of the clowns would gather to find out where their assignments would be.

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

"Hurray! I discovered a new planet!"

News on TV: 'At last, some good news from Iraq...Saddam's chamber of torture is being converted into a chamber of commerce.'

"Good news on Wall Street today"

The Evening News

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

'This is just a test. I repeat, this is just a test. But then - maybe not!'

"I think he just ashed on me."

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

It's 10 pm. Do you know why Iraq, aided by Iran, are fighting against Kurds - a major U.S. ally against Isis - in Northern Iraq?"

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel