News Flash Fan Gifts

"You are a bigger threat to democracy than Russia and China because you didn't invite the Nazis to the conference!"

Under pressure.

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

It's great for pulling the birds!

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

Nervous World Markets.

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

Lights Action Camera Justice

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'Well, SOMEBODY leaked the frog incident to the press!'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

Pop star weather report.

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

The Old Curiosity Shop

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

News Wear World

"President Gorbachev had his hands full again today."

"It took me a long time to teach him how to fetch a newspaper."

Mole News: Obituaries

The Panic Forecast

"I see by your copy of 'Newsweek' that Lyndon Johnson has decided not to run for reelection."

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

"I've called this media conference to say...We have nothing to say!"

'Hot indeed.'

"We interrupt this programme to warn viewers that programmes may sometimes be interrupted."

'Breaking news. . . I've just found out my wife has left me.'

"That's right. A real war with real victims and real casualties. Unfortunately The War of Withering Sarcasm wasn't one of those sexy wars the media likes to report on."

Dem vs. GOO Budget Smackdown!

Noah's dove returns with a plunger.

"Read all about it! Falling leaves kill six!"

Muzak and its variations.