News Fan Gifts

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Meet the Enemy

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Capital Tours

Idlib, Syria - The final stage

Trump Destroying U.S. the Postal Service

Reporter #6: television.

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

"My goodness, if I'd known how badly you wanted democracy I'd have given it to you ages ago."

Charades

Big Newspaper Delivery

'You've been killing files again.'

As you can see, media coverage at this event is very heavy...

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

The Russians Are Coming...Maybe

Classic News.

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

Nervous World Markets.

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

Trump's Torrent of BS Is Distracting Us From Real, Actually Important, Issues

"So how much money do you make?"