Tv News Fan Gifts

'I gotta have a drink of water but not that stuff! I heard on TV it may be full of toxic chemicals!'

'This is Cindy Larrabee, substituting for Alicia Bemis, who turned out to be not quite blonde enough....'

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

"This must be a really bad storm. That weatherman who's always outside is inside!"

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

TV Situations vacant.

Larry King

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

Clive Anderson

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

As Seen Watching TV

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

Moses' TV guide.

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

"The X files...the tooth is out there"

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"Let's just binge watch this."

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

'Books are okay, except they only get one channel.'

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Bruce The Unhelpful Weatherman

'You did your book report on the TV schedule?'

Liz Hurley