Tv News Addict Gifts

' Police investigating the theft of sixty cases of custard powder have released this photofit of a man they'd like to question.'

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

Stephen Fry

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Big screen TV falling through floor

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Oh my God, they're gassing refugees. Look at this family!"

NOVA. Don't worry --- The "vacuum of space" is not that kind of vacuum.

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

Starvation Watching

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Can't Touch This

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

The end of election 2016

The cradle of mankind

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'