News Flash Fan Pillows

"You are a bigger threat to democracy than Russia and China because you didn't invite the Nazis to the conference!"

Under pressure.

It's great for pulling the birds!

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

Nervous World Markets.

Lights Action Camera Justice

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

Pop star weather report.

'Well, SOMEBODY leaked the frog incident to the press!'

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

The Old Curiosity Shop

News Wear World

"President Gorbachev had his hands full again today."

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

"It took me a long time to teach him how to fetch a newspaper."

Mole News: Obituaries

The Panic Forecast

"I've called this media conference to say...We have nothing to say!"

'Hot indeed.'

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

"We interrupt this programme to warn viewers that programmes may sometimes be interrupted."

"That's right. A real war with real victims and real casualties. Unfortunately The War of Withering Sarcasm wasn't one of those sexy wars the media likes to report on."

'Breaking news. . . I've just found out my wife has left me.'

"Read all about it! Falling leaves kill six!"