Newsflash Fanatic Pillows

"I see by your copy of 'Newsweek' that Lyndon Johnson has decided not to run for reelection."

'Hot indeed.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'Fetch.'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

'Super Dog'

"I'm working from home today."

Obsession with the Internet.

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."

Super hero dog.

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

Boy and his dog

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Throw, fetch, throw, fetch, throw, fetch. It all seems so obsessive-compulsive."

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'I'll fetch your newspaper and your pipe, but the slippers thing is just too kinky.'

Jim Carrey,

'I'll bet you taught him that!'

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

Nervous World Markets.

"Watch his feet - if he doesn't step into the throw, he's going to fake it."

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

"'City Slickers' was O.K., but, let's face it, it was no 'Claire's Knee.'"

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"The Curse of the robot followers: At first, Rob was thrilled with the all the attention and followers."

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

'He took a fetching class.'

'Good dog!'

"Tell the world, are you digging for world peace?"

"I'm on Twitter and I get the feeling I'm not being followed."