News Fanatic Pillows

Nervous World Markets.

The Panic Forecast

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

"Clearly it's the silly season."

'You didn't tip the paper boy.'

"I'm Hillary Clinton's worst nightmare...and she's not the only one!"

The question haunts the president...'Are you better off now than you were 4 weeks ago?'

US Government Shutdown.

"I've called this media conference to say...We have nothing to say!"

The BBC pulls a fast one

"Screw all of you! I'm unshackled now!

"Too much inflammation!"

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

Biden-Harris US Presidential 2020

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

NATO and Putin

Fake noose

The Ekert Saga: 'Wow...since people stahted bein' nice to each othah, theah's not much news to print, just more featahs...I like it.'

"Just because the election is over doesn't mean we have to stop predicting its outcome."

'If you do not wish to know the results of tonight's election debate, look away now.'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

That's really putting me off my food...oh god, I'm so shallow...

'The bin was kicked over at 3am there is no evidence of terrorist involvement. John Stokes BBC News.'

"...And now for the local news."

Donald Trump Cootie Catcher

"I just realized that everything he's been saying about the environment is right and everything I've been saying is wrong."

"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling..."

"President Gorbachev had his hands full again today."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

Oligarchy

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'