Newspaper Fan Gifts

'Beg.'

"It took me a long time to teach him how to fetch a newspaper."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

The Runaway Horse

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

"All natural snow cones for sale."

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Your shoe's untied.'

Stoneage puncture repair kit...

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Are you made of sugar?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

This is a 'text book' it's a bit like a website but printed on paper.

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

Support group for sheep.

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"NOW can I shoot you out of a cannon?"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Dog walking Human.

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy