News Connoisseur Gifts

'Hello, and welcome to another edition of 'Alarming Statistics!' Our topic tonight is 67%. Is it over-hyped or a legitimate cause for concern? Join us as we find out!'

'A long-awaited government shake-up: A 'ditto-head' will replace a 'yes-man'...A 'croney' will replace an 'insider'...'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

Oligarchy

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Dialogue

Meet the Enemy

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Man Reading Laptop.

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Fear of news.

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

'...Next election voters will have a choice of democrat, republican and 'generic'.'

Reporter #6: television.

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

Idlib, Syria - The final stage

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'