Content Connoisseur Gifts

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

Social Media Strategy Session. The more friends and family people see on our site, the personal information they'll post. Familiarity breeds content!

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

What're we watching tonight? Gadgetpalooza IV!!! 60 Minutes, The Lost Files. Gadgetpalooza. The irredoubtable 60 Minutes. A mad scramble for the remote control. Censored for the sake of the squeamish. The common denominator in an era of too much programming choice: Youtube video showing skateboarding rabbit. Woof. Crash.

Books: Meet the Content Provider

"You've read the book, seen the film, played the game - why not read the book again?"

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'He likes to power nap.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Dialogue

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.