Consumption Connoisseur Gifts

"Don't worry, she's still alcohol aware."

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

"Quick swig first?"

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

S**t Threw a Goose

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

"Didn't I say you'd be the only man not wearing a bow tie?"

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

Moliere

Creative department ?

Bleak House

WAITING ROOM

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

Charles Dickens.

C Day Lewis.

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Bit of an over reaction to a world-wide shortage of bismuth, don't you think?'

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

The Waiter