Consumption Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Don't worry, she's still alcohol aware."

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"Quick swig first?"

S**t Threw a Goose

"Didn't I say you'd be the only man not wearing a bow tie?"

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

Moliere

Bleak House

The Waiter

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"The big money doesn't seem to be in Pretzels anymore."

Charles Dickens.

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

WAITING ROOM

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Bit of an over reaction to a world-wide shortage of bismuth, don't you think?'

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

Creative department ?

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."