Novelty Connoisseur Gifts

Bathroom Fairy

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

Zora Neale Hurston

"He's an abstract artist."

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

'Now what?!'

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

"It's called 'Sold'."

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

"Who's the artist?"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Pam collected ceramic pigs. Just one so far, but even that seemed like too many.

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

Thinks Bob: At last, the most practical house pet since the goldfish.

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

Wonder Woman: "Trapped in a Man's World"

'A long-awaited government shake-up: A 'ditto-head' will replace a 'yes-man'...A 'croney' will replace an 'insider'...'

"You have indeed purchased an original Rembrandt. A Ralph Rembrandt."

"Tonight... Hemingway."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"Stan is one of our great, widely unread literary treasures."

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.