Novelty Connoisseur Gifts

Bathroom Fairy

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

"He's an abstract artist."

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

'Now what?!'

"It's called 'Sold'."

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Pam collected ceramic pigs. Just one so far, but even that seemed like too many.

"Who's the artist?"

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

Wonder Woman: "Trapped in a Man's World"

Thinks Bob: At last, the most practical house pet since the goldfish.

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

"Stan is one of our great, widely unread literary treasures."

'A long-awaited government shake-up: A 'ditto-head' will replace a 'yes-man'...A 'croney' will replace an 'insider'...'

"Tonight... Hemingway."

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'