News Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Hello, and welcome to another edition of 'Alarming Statistics!' Our topic tonight is 67%. Is it over-hyped or a legitimate cause for concern? Join us as we find out!'

'A long-awaited government shake-up: A 'ditto-head' will replace a 'yes-man'...A 'croney' will replace an 'insider'...'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

Oligarchy

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Dialogue

Meet the Enemy

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

Man Reading Laptop.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Fear of news.

'...Next election voters will have a choice of democrat, republican and 'generic'.'

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Idlib, Syria - The final stage

Reporter #6: television.

Capital Tours

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"