News Buffoonery Gifts

"The sudden resignation caught many by surprise. 'I wish to spend more time with my family,' he said. When contacted, his family replied, 'Who?'"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

Hostile takeovers in the novelty business.

The No-Spin Zone: Fox news( hurricane ).

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

Superstition City

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

Elon Musk's Twitter Bid

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'Donald! You're wearing your thong back to front!'

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

Sales chart shows sales going downhill.

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

"So much for the news, now for the corrections."

Special Report from Paris...

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

"Hey, you're not allowed to bait deer." (hunter trying to bait deer with a corn cob on a fishing hook, other hunter saying its not legal)

, Don't Worry, We Have the Tracking Number

Media Attention for Aliens

"But you really can't trust the media."

"I don’t understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn’t on his ‘To Do’ list!"

The Mighty Wotizzit?! Part 7

'Superterrorism! Just how would such an act affect our lifestyles and celebrity style coverage.'

"Hey! It says here that civilization as you know it has come to an end, but don't worry. Civilization as I know it is about to take over."

"That does it! - I'm off!!!"

"That's the last time I watch Sarah Palin's 'Alaska'!"

"Good evening and welcome to a very special newscast in which I do everything I can think of to get fired on air."

"I've got half a mind to join the anti-vax movement!!"

"Naughty and nice is fake news ... there's blame on both sides."

'The Fed moved the interest rate to China today.'

Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club