Bug Buffoonery Gifts

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

Hostile takeovers in the novelty business.

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"You drop yours first."

'Well Sir, it tastes like O-positive to me...'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

Sales chart shows sales going downhill.

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

"Hey, you're not allowed to bait deer." (hunter trying to bait deer with a corn cob on a fishing hook, other hunter saying its not legal)

"Yes, I know I only caught a lizard - it's called artistic license, Mildred!"

Fly having an idea.

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

Don't be alarmed by the smell, it's not a chemical attack: we've just entered the teenage boy's bedroom...

"The sudden resignation caught many by surprise. 'I wish to spend more time with my family,' he said. When contacted, his family replied, 'Who?'"

Fly at the Optometrist

"You're using forelegs? That's disgusting!"

'I won't be in to work today... I woke up with a bug.'

'It's too bad about them banning DDT. I was just getting to like it.'

Luna Tick

'My clippers are on the blink.'

'Don't tell me...you got rear-ended again?'

"Can you bring me some booze and fags Noah?"

"You damn fool! Can't you tell the difference between air freshener and roach spray?"