Biblical Buffoonery Gifts

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Moses' Tablet

"Well, we needed the rain."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"It's got 128 KB of Ram, 64 KB or Rom, and a spell checker for when you invent writing."

"Lord, business is slow and I'm getting frustrated. If I change my name to 'Job' would that give me more PATIENTS?"

'Don't worry it's organic...'

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."