News Buffoonery Prints

"The sudden resignation caught many by surprise. 'I wish to spend more time with my family,' he said. When contacted, his family replied, 'Who?'"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

Hostile takeovers in the novelty business.

Superstition City

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'Donald! You're wearing your thong back to front!'

Sales chart shows sales going downhill.

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

"But you really can't trust the media."

"I don’t understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn’t on his ‘To Do’ list!"

Media Attention for Aliens

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

"Hey, you're not allowed to bait deer." (hunter trying to bait deer with a corn cob on a fishing hook, other hunter saying its not legal)

'Superterrorism! Just how would such an act affect our lifestyles and celebrity style coverage.'

"That does it! - I'm off!!!"

Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club

"Hey! It says here that civilization as you know it has come to an end, but don't worry. Civilization as I know it is about to take over."

"Naughty and nice is fake news ... there's blame on both sides."

"I've got half a mind to join the anti-vax movement!!"

'The Fed moved the interest rate to China today.'

"A fake-news news story turned out to be true. We apologize for the mistake!"