Newlywed Humor Gifts

I know I've got a key somewhere!!

"Bad news...I took all of your wedding pictures on one of those snap apps that erases them after ten seconds."

'But I've had a tiring day myself, darling!'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'You may now kick the bride.'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

"And do you also promise to be LinkedIn for life, facebook friends forever and to stay off Tinder till you're burnt to a cinder?"

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

''Love, honor, and obey'? -- I had something less structured in mind.'

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

"I knew they had shot gun weddings in the wild west, but not in Milton Keynes!"

Your nose used to light up and buzz when I touched you.

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"