Humorous Newlyweds Gifts

"Remember - no mention of planned obsolescence."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'You may now kick the bride.'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Let's take in a trial."

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

When Female Leopards Marry.

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

"....And are you willing to stand your mothers-in-laws' bleating until the divorce court do you apart?"

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"I knew they had shot gun weddings in the wild west, but not in Milton Keynes!"

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'