Humorous Newlyweds Gifts

"Remember - no mention of planned obsolescence."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'You may now kick the bride.'

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

When Female Leopards Marry.

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

"And do you also promise to be LinkedIn for life, facebook friends forever and to stay off Tinder till you're burnt to a cinder?"

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

Your nose used to light up and buzz when I touched you.

"....And are you willing to stand your mothers-in-laws' bleating until the divorce court do you apart?"

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

"I knew they had shot gun weddings in the wild west, but not in Milton Keynes!"

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"