Newborn Nurdlers Gifts

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

Mime Baby

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

"Which one's yours?"

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Who's a cutey?

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

Maternity tattoos

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Bottled or breast?"

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Reflected Glory

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

"He seems to be a bit of a crybaby."

New dad.

Oops.