Newborn Nurdlers Pillows

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"Which one's yours?"

"It's a good boy!"

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

Mime Baby

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Who's a cutey?

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

Maternity tattoos

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

Reflected Glory

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"Bottled or breast?"

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

"He seems to be a bit of a crybaby."

New dad.