Newborn Nurturing Gifts

"Bottled or breast?"

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

Doughboy Dad

'So this is goodbye then!'

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

Mime Baby

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

Egg Buggy

"Delia, there is no such thing as the boogeyman. Now climate change … that is real."

Maternity tattoos

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

'This is a rarity in today's world. No corporate sponsorship signs in here.'

Daisy Diaper Service

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."

"Yeah, your inner child called. They want a nap, a juice box, and a restraining order." "Ruining whoops, running a country is tough. Maybe I need to relax and channel my inner child."

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'Dad has lamb's-quarter, pigweed, sheep sorrel, chickweed and buckhorn, and we can't even have a dog.'

New dad.

"...For most of us, work has become home, and home has become work!"

Covid Babies

Clean the World.