New Testament Lover Gifts

Pastor Joe never works blue: 'I avoid the sex and violence of the Old Testament.'

"Meet the scribe"

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Yes, all at once!'

"I've told you before one at each end!"

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'You say the ARKS are NOT two by two?'

Little Known Moments In History

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

Regifts of the Magi

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

Horseshoes...Samson-style

Adam and Eve Arrested

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

Joseph and his coat

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

"Looks like we're in trouble now...he's got four bars on that thing."