New Name Novice Gifts

Babies vs. Dogs

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"First time pruning?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Today we learned to count to one.

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

Yoga for beginners,

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

Yoga Beginners Class. Breathe and stretch. That's Good. URGH! OOOF! "Yoga pants" should be something you wear and not something that happens because you can't catch your breath!

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"Triple whammy."

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"What's my collar size?"

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

"We're still working out the numerology for a name."

Carole Jean's First "Big Girl" Heels

Freshman Ryan Brenneman was having a tough time acclimating to life away from home.

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."

'Let's face it,Edgar.you and mother nature don't have anything in common.'

Napkin Writer

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

If I learn how to write Roman Numerals, will that help me write computer code?

'Tell me again. What do we do with pork bellies?'

"Downward Drool" is ok, but if you want something challenging, try "forward-facing full diaper."

Tom Prepares for his Hot Date.

'Hold on, Ma, he's posting.'

"Yes, but it's naturally toxic."