New Home Owner Gifts

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

Man looking at his shower-bath on a cold morning

Man sweating profusely while shoveling snow in his boxer shorts

"This is the precise reason I didn't want bamboo flooring."

Decorative Evidence

"And, that's the new extension for my new plasma TV screen."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

LAY ZEE FUK

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Lady of the Cake.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Allotment

Gardener

"And this is our media room."

Tool Box

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Rose Garden

Beach Barbecue

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'