New Homeowners Gifts

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Baby it's cold outside.

“The drain was plugged.”

"These hostas are out of control!"

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'I TOLD you not to wash it in warm water!'

'It was a great party Darling, but as usual, we had too much food...'

'We couldn't agree on the wallpaper.'

'My hubby only has the occasional mishap when he D.I.Y.s. . . . Oh yes but total disasters, now that's another story!'

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

LAY ZEE FUK

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Lady of the Cake.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Allotment

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Gardener

"And this is our media room."

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

Rose Garden

Beach Barbecue

Tool Box

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."