Networking Realist Gifts

'Oops. My mistake they actually 'enemied' me.'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

Inbox and Outbox

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man, but you will dump him for a short, chubby, goofy looking doctor.'

"And if things don't work out in the big city, Cindy, you can always come back home to me and Mom and our nightmare descent into booze and pills."

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Old MacDonald had a farm"