Networking Realist Gifts

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man, but you will dump him for a short, chubby, goofy looking doctor.'

"And if things don't work out in the big city, Cindy, you can always come back home to me and Mom and our nightmare descent into booze and pills."

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"