Networking Ninjas Gifts

'It's not what you know, it's WHO you know.'

'All right, I wanna know which ones of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

'Hi, I'm a hedge fund manager.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Go team!

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Trade Show Sherpas

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'I'm interested in your job opening, so I'll have my agent give you a ring!'

Building business relations.

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

The Card Flinger

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

"Oh, go on Jeffrey. . . Give him an order!"

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

At the printers - "Business is booming I need 6 more business cards, ASAP."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

Bob tried networking – and crashed it.

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

"I hear you've got friends in high places...?"