Navigation Novice Gifts

'We're lost!'

"Let's have a look at that Appalachian trail map again."

"No, what you want is the queens-bound F train. Where you are now is in my house."

Global Positioning System - ERROR Your big fat head is in the way

'I hired a local guide. He knows every square inch of this stadium...'

'That's where you're wrong, I did remember the compass, though I don't know what you'll use it for...'

A pack rat that is bad at directions.

'That'll cheap you to buy a cheap sat-nav from some bloke down the pub.'

'Sorry we're late - Maureen read the road map!'

'Damn ! I don't have a clue where we are.'

'Your father spent so much time building the ark he didn't have time to study navigation.'

'Excuse me, which way to platform 10?'

'After his cheap goggles fogged up, max went missing.'

Tourist Attractions

"We're lost. You may know how to use the shortcuts on your keyboard, but you certainly don't know how to use them on the road."

"The GPS said to turn right in 500 feet. Apparently, measuring distances isn't one of your strong points."

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

Man stood by signpost to 'here' or 'there'.

Man on Snowdon with GPS system - "I'd be lost without it."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'My Pilot-Fish is on holidays, so I'm using a GPS System to find my way around...'

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

Lost around a military base.

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Typical man - why can't he just ask for directions?'

'That's hydroplaning for ya.'

Recalculating!

"Wouldn't it be easier to have sat nav fitted?"

"I told you, if you're looking for a road map for your life, that's all you're gonna get."

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

'I did not say there was a miss in the motor, I said the motor was missing.'

Pole Star

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'