Naval Services Gifts

'You really want to quit your job on the submarine? Why, Seaman Jones? Why??'

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Servicemen.

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

'But you're an admiral. How can you feel seasick on a waterbed?'

COWMIKAZES

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

'So, what do you want to talk about?'

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

Commonly confused homonyms: Frigate and Frigate

"I am wearying of the crew's constant repetition of the same old sea shanties."

'Okay who swiped my bath toys?'

"Sir, our hood ornament is slowing us down."

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

On board the MS Hepatology

'It was only a joke. I never thought they's accept me.'

'A boy! Standing on a burning deck! I bet nobody did a risk assessment?'

Support the Troops

Admiral in the bath.

Your Country Needs MOO!

'So it's true that dolphins help navigate.'

F&E Submarine Contractors. When we ask the government for assistance, we should avoid calling it a "bailout."

'We're drifting apart.'

Horatio Nelson

'It's great to get away from the rat race!'

John Bull Devouring the French Navy

Iron clad sailors

"You can't have it both ways, kid."

'Honda has recalled the U.S. Sixth Fleet due to leaky sunroofs.'

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'