National Security Enthusiast Pillows

Young John McCain, Meet Old John McCain

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Neo-International Law

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Military Medals

'Where was the TSA?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Either we spend millions on new technology to erase each agent's memory following a sensitive assignment, or we just start hiring people over fifty."

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Infantry.

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

A Little Extra

Lost around a military base.

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Ok, I found a secure line."

"I started my career as an industrial spy-here."

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

Kamikaze Colour

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

CCTV in church.

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'