Security Enthusiasts Pillows

'When we ask you to present a photo ID we prefer one that has your own picture on it.'

'We got tired of being broken into.'

'Mummy...what is that...?'

"Good evening sir. Could I interest you in one of our latest security devices?"

"Look, dear! This isn't childish nonsense - Junior's written his first password!"

Bodyguards doing their duty.

'Yes, I do feel safer, but the key sure is a hassle to carry around.'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

Supermarket Bomb Threat.

'Can you bench press a loaded key chain?'

Couple getting married. Woman says 'With this lo-jack I thee wed.'

Football Security.

Be forwarned of canine.

Office of Homeland Security

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

'If you were younger I'd tell you that the tooth fairy might leave quarters for the teeth broken off your key.'

"I'm sorry sir, I can't hand anything over unless you give me your mother's maiden name!"

"Hold on. I'll buzz you in."

'Where was the TSA?'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

"It says 'beware of robot dog.'"

CCTV in church.

"This is Alexander. He’ll be heading up our hacking division."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Are you sure you updated the anti-virus software?"

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"