Homeland Security Enthusiast Pillows

The Costs Of Doing War.

'Where was the TSA?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

Biro Security

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"What makes you think this could be a suspect package?"

Spy Satellite

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

Super-ego Surveillance

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

'Your father installed a security system.'

Sheepdog Security

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'